In my Bible study today, I was asked the question, "What is one trait you like about yourself?" I took a minute to think. There are talents that I used to possess that I feel I have let gone waste (writing--for example), but one thing I have not lost is my tendency to easily empathize or sympathize with the hurting. I'm a softy, I guess--sometimes overly sensitive. I put myself in others' places, trying to wonder how they must really feel.
That hurts in times like these.
At church on Wednesday night I found out that friends of mine had just lost a dear friend from college and seminary in a car accident. I never met Amber Mathenia, but now I know that she was a 28-year-old missionary to Ethiopia that was home on furlough. She and her husband had an adopted 4-year-old daughter from Ethiopia, and they had just completed a domestic adoption of a six-month-old boy. Amber's husband had been on a 2-week trip back to Ethiopia, and she was killed the night before his return.
"Please pray for my friend who is just now getting off a plane and learning that his wife died yesterday," our youth pastor announced in church Wednesday night. Oh, how my heart ached for him and those babies and their families and their friends.
I thought about Courtney. It's been over 8 years. Wow--has it really been that long? In many ways it feels like it was yesterday. It was her death in a car accident that changed my life forever.
That day had started out so normal--I was so innocent, so naive. I was returning to my dorm room from the shower when the phone rang. It was for me. I will never forget that moment. I was wearing a yellow bathrobe, and I had a towel on my head. Brantley, my roommate, was sitting in a chair, and I fell down to her when I heard the words, "Courtney is dead." Dead? Dead? How can it be? Hurt, maybe. But, dead? No....no, no, no....NO!
And so today I think about and mourn with and pray for those dear friends and family of this sweet missionary who I never had the privilege of knowing.
Courtney has spent every day face-to-face with Jesus since Dec. 9, 1999. She has held his nail-scarred hands. She has looked Him in the eyes. She has kissed His cheek.
When I worship my Lord, I am joining Courtney in what she spends every minute of every day of eternity doing.
I pray that Amber Mathenia's family and friends may, too, know the joy of knowing their loved one is in the very physical Presence of our her Savior amidst their mourning of her passing from them.
Oh, Lord--please be near to the Mathenia family now.
Friday, January 25, 2008
Friday, January 11, 2008
How I found out I was pregnant...
Sometime last summer--in between trips to Argentina, NC, GA, and China, Will and I began seeking the Lord about when to start a family. I had always wanted to wait later--at least one more year until I was 28. After all, my mom did not enter motherhood until she was 29, and I never felt like she was old or anything. I knew the decision to go ahead and have children would change my life more than any other decision I had made in my adult life--even marriage. (I do take care of Will, but I don't have to change his diapers.) I was scared of the responsibility that would entail. I was selfishly holding back and trying to buy more time in my little world of married-without-children. But this nagging feeling had been creeping up since the summer that perhaps it was time...
So in August I officially went off of birth control. And by September, I was pregnant. I actually found out I was pregnant in October--October 11th to be exact. For a couple of days leading up to it I had gotten this feeling that perhaps I was....but I wanted to wait a few more days to find out for sure. But then I couldn't take it anymore. After work that Thursday I opened my bathroom cabinet to see if I had any pregnancy test. Sure enough I did, so I set about to seeing if I was indeed expecting a baby. After taking the test, I placed it on the floor and waited for the pink line or lines to appear--two meant pregnant and one meant not. As I washed my hands, I glanced over to the test. TWO LINES! Can't be, I thought. I picked up the test and examined it more closely. Sure enough--two lines. There's no going back now, I thought. My life has changed forever.
I set the test down on the bathroom counter, quickly slid on my shoes, and bolted out the front door. My mind was centered on one task--getting to Walgreens down the street to verify this test with at least two more. I started up the car and put it into reverse, but then stopped when I realized in my rush to get to Walgreens and amid the rush of emotions, I had left behind my purse. After re-entering the house, grabbing my purse, and locking back up, I jumped back into the car and headed back toward Walgreens. As I walked in the store, I nervously scanned the aisles for the pregnancy-test section. Ah, I had found it. I looked over my shoulders to make sure no one was around before I began examining the boxes upon boxes of tests. If someone walks by, I'll flash my wedding ring, I thought. As if complete strangers would bother to see whether or not a 20-something woman looking at a pregnancy test were married or not. Finally, I had found one. I decided to go ahead and purchase two.
Back at home I went through the same procedure as earlier two more times. Hold the stick out and pee. Wait. Look at the stick. Almost faint when I see the results. This time I had bought digital tests. Instead of two pink lines I got the words 'pregnant' or 'not pregnant.' Test one: Pregnant. Test two: Pregnant.
It was pretty much for sure. I was with child.
After spending so much unplanned time taking pregnancy tests, I was running late for a hair appointment. I quickly found a gift bag in the closet and threw the three pregnancy tests in. I was formulating a way to creatively tell Will in person. But first I had to go get my hair cut.
My hair appointment went fine, but I was dying to tell my hairdresser. I'm pregnant, I kept thinking. And nobody knows. We had had some mutual friends who had given birth to their third child a week before.
"So, Erin, when's it your turn?" Teresa asked.
"Well," I started....then turned bright red, then burst into tears.
"Are you? Are you pregnant?!" Teresa asked.
"Yes, no, I think so, but I don't know." I got out in between sobs. "I took three pregnancy tests, but I'm not sure if they're right. Will doesn't...even ...know....yet!"
"Well, you need to get on out of here and tell him!" Teresa laughed.
Once she finished my hair that is exactly what I did. I felt so nervous, although I knew he would be thrilled. I called and told him I had a little surprise out for him in the parking lot. A few minutes later Will came outside, and I handed him the little gift bag. "What's this?" he asked. He reached inside and pulled out on the of pregnancy sticks. It was a digital one, and, unfortunately, the word "pregnant" had already worn off, so it was just blank.
"There's something else in there," I said. So, Will pulled out another test, and this time the evidence was clear. He looked at me in disbelief, and then disbelief turned to utter excitement. He picked me up and twirled me around in the parking lot and kissed me.
We were going to be parents.
So in August I officially went off of birth control. And by September, I was pregnant. I actually found out I was pregnant in October--October 11th to be exact. For a couple of days leading up to it I had gotten this feeling that perhaps I was....but I wanted to wait a few more days to find out for sure. But then I couldn't take it anymore. After work that Thursday I opened my bathroom cabinet to see if I had any pregnancy test. Sure enough I did, so I set about to seeing if I was indeed expecting a baby. After taking the test, I placed it on the floor and waited for the pink line or lines to appear--two meant pregnant and one meant not. As I washed my hands, I glanced over to the test. TWO LINES! Can't be, I thought. I picked up the test and examined it more closely. Sure enough--two lines. There's no going back now, I thought. My life has changed forever.
I set the test down on the bathroom counter, quickly slid on my shoes, and bolted out the front door. My mind was centered on one task--getting to Walgreens down the street to verify this test with at least two more. I started up the car and put it into reverse, but then stopped when I realized in my rush to get to Walgreens and amid the rush of emotions, I had left behind my purse. After re-entering the house, grabbing my purse, and locking back up, I jumped back into the car and headed back toward Walgreens. As I walked in the store, I nervously scanned the aisles for the pregnancy-test section. Ah, I had found it. I looked over my shoulders to make sure no one was around before I began examining the boxes upon boxes of tests. If someone walks by, I'll flash my wedding ring, I thought. As if complete strangers would bother to see whether or not a 20-something woman looking at a pregnancy test were married or not. Finally, I had found one. I decided to go ahead and purchase two.
Back at home I went through the same procedure as earlier two more times. Hold the stick out and pee. Wait. Look at the stick. Almost faint when I see the results. This time I had bought digital tests. Instead of two pink lines I got the words 'pregnant' or 'not pregnant.' Test one: Pregnant. Test two: Pregnant.
It was pretty much for sure. I was with child.
After spending so much unplanned time taking pregnancy tests, I was running late for a hair appointment. I quickly found a gift bag in the closet and threw the three pregnancy tests in. I was formulating a way to creatively tell Will in person. But first I had to go get my hair cut.
My hair appointment went fine, but I was dying to tell my hairdresser. I'm pregnant, I kept thinking. And nobody knows. We had had some mutual friends who had given birth to their third child a week before.
"So, Erin, when's it your turn?" Teresa asked.
"Well," I started....then turned bright red, then burst into tears.
"Are you? Are you pregnant?!" Teresa asked.
"Yes, no, I think so, but I don't know." I got out in between sobs. "I took three pregnancy tests, but I'm not sure if they're right. Will doesn't...even ...know....yet!"
"Well, you need to get on out of here and tell him!" Teresa laughed.
Once she finished my hair that is exactly what I did. I felt so nervous, although I knew he would be thrilled. I called and told him I had a little surprise out for him in the parking lot. A few minutes later Will came outside, and I handed him the little gift bag. "What's this?" he asked. He reached inside and pulled out on the of pregnancy sticks. It was a digital one, and, unfortunately, the word "pregnant" had already worn off, so it was just blank.
"There's something else in there," I said. So, Will pulled out another test, and this time the evidence was clear. He looked at me in disbelief, and then disbelief turned to utter excitement. He picked me up and twirled me around in the parking lot and kissed me.
We were going to be parents.
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